I Call This One "Evidence"

As I rolled out of bed this morning, I thought to myself, “What a beautiful day!! Today’s a great day to get fucked!!” so I went to buy gas. I offer a caveat: If you end up doing the same, don’t forget your lube like I did. I’m still walking funny.

I’d like to think that everyone that visits this site picks up on the humor right away, but I know this isn’t the case, so for you dullards, I’ll cater once more. When I mention getting “fucked,” I’m alluding to something I like to call, “Anal Corporation Penetration.” More specifically, I’m referring to the gas prices here in North America, so I guess I should dub it, “North American Anal Corporation Penetration,” or NAACP. I know what you’re thinking, “Christopher, doesn’t NAACP stand for the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People?” Yes, it does. However, just as the white man shared land with the red man, land he stole fair and square from said red man, so can the black man share the moniker NAACP with yours truly.

Side note-- How much time will elapse before higher powers ask me to remove my comment about the NAACP? If enough folks show interest, I’ll start a pool through Pay Pal. It will be $5 to join the pool. You’ll bet on one of three answers to the aforementioned question concerning the NAACP comment. The answers are as follows:

A) 1 day, the NAACP protects their name like Metallica protects their shitty music.

B) A week or more, the NAACP will be disturbed by your equating their organization with anal penetration, however, they will not take action immediately because they’ll probably be too busy scolding Cedric the Entertainer for his Rosa Parks’ joke in Barber Shop.

C) Chris, you ass, you are highly overstating the importance of your site. Even with hit words and terms such as “NAACP, getting fucked, anal, and gas prices,” your website will still never show up in a Google search, nor will it experience any more traffic than normal. Which is what; a whopping three hits a year? And that’s just from you logging in, posting, and visiting once to make sure your one, ill-humored, yearly post reads as poorly as it came to you.

I’d go with “C.”

… So basically, if “C” is as true as it reads, I’m speaking to myself and the pot will only be $5… Furthermore, even with the phrase “the pot will only be $5,” Carpe Comedy will never show up in a Google search.

I was kidding. Carpe Comedy, surprisingly enough, actually does show up when Googled. It just doesn’t show up oodles of times. Yeah, enough with the “oo” words, I know.

I guess that does it for me. So C’mon back to Carpe Comedy where the pot is just $5.

I’m out like a hit to be carried out on me as per Jesse Jackson’s orders. Interestingly enough, I’m also out like a warrant for my arrest for inadvertently advertising $5 pot.

Seize that which is funny.