FINALLY!
I’m back! Sorry about the mysterious disappearance of Flashdance. Ya see, for the past month and a half I’ve been combing the African savannahs in search of the rare and elusive Anna Nicole Hippopotamus. Supposedly, this hippo goes around marrying other rich hippos that are 40-50 years older, waiting for them to croak, then inheriting all of their money. It’s amazing, I know. Makes for some interesting hippo sex, though. I’d never seen a hippo-sized dose of Viagra before and I hope never to see one again. But anyways, this engaging and intellectual monologue on hippo fornication will have to wait, for I have much more pressing issues to discuss this evening…
I got an internship at Fox 35 yesterday. Boy, did they make a mistake. Orlando area television viewers, be sure to watch Fox 35 News at 10 from now on, because you may just have the pleasure of seeing one of my rosy red asscheeks slip into a camera shot one of these days. Either that or I’ll get a nice closeup of Shelly Ribando’s nether-regions on the air…oh yeah. Just another public service from your good ol’ Uncle Flashdance. Just kidding anyways. If I screw up this internship, then I’ll never have a chance to get my new show ideas on the air. I have an idea for a dating show called “Fat Girls Need Love Too”, which will feature a different portly female guest every week and three male contestants that don't mind "more cushion for the pushin'". I also have conjured up a new reality series called “Smear the Queer”, in which 5 lucky contestants will be let loose in downtown San Francisco with wifflebats and butt plugs. And last but not least, I came up with a comedy series entitled “I Can’t Even Speak Clear English, But I Can Still Convince a Bunch of Fucking California Retards That I Can Be a Competent Governor”. I’m not quite sure what that one would be about, but you have to admit it’s a catchy title.
Sorry guys, I have to bounce now. This week’s UCF football game has been moved to the Orange County Jail…I gots ta get me some good seats. Peace out homies.
I’m back! Sorry about the mysterious disappearance of Flashdance. Ya see, for the past month and a half I’ve been combing the African savannahs in search of the rare and elusive Anna Nicole Hippopotamus. Supposedly, this hippo goes around marrying other rich hippos that are 40-50 years older, waiting for them to croak, then inheriting all of their money. It’s amazing, I know. Makes for some interesting hippo sex, though. I’d never seen a hippo-sized dose of Viagra before and I hope never to see one again. But anyways, this engaging and intellectual monologue on hippo fornication will have to wait, for I have much more pressing issues to discuss this evening…
I got an internship at Fox 35 yesterday. Boy, did they make a mistake. Orlando area television viewers, be sure to watch Fox 35 News at 10 from now on, because you may just have the pleasure of seeing one of my rosy red asscheeks slip into a camera shot one of these days. Either that or I’ll get a nice closeup of Shelly Ribando’s nether-regions on the air…oh yeah. Just another public service from your good ol’ Uncle Flashdance. Just kidding anyways. If I screw up this internship, then I’ll never have a chance to get my new show ideas on the air. I have an idea for a dating show called “Fat Girls Need Love Too”, which will feature a different portly female guest every week and three male contestants that don't mind "more cushion for the pushin'". I also have conjured up a new reality series called “Smear the Queer”, in which 5 lucky contestants will be let loose in downtown San Francisco with wifflebats and butt plugs. And last but not least, I came up with a comedy series entitled “I Can’t Even Speak Clear English, But I Can Still Convince a Bunch of Fucking California Retards That I Can Be a Competent Governor”. I’m not quite sure what that one would be about, but you have to admit it’s a catchy title.
Sorry guys, I have to bounce now. This week’s UCF football game has been moved to the Orange County Jail…I gots ta get me some good seats. Peace out homies.
posted by Jimmy_Flashdance at 11:24 PM
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